I'm not dead yet

A few weeks ago, Robb, my sister and I were sitting around talking about who would be on our Celebrity Lists. You know, a list of 10 celebrities who you'd want to sleep with, and your significant other agrees to allow it.
Since it will never happen, this is really not as liberal as it sounds.

My sister couldn't limit her list to 10, because she is a whore. I'm only kidding, she is just a hypothetical whore. Robb is also extremely slutty in his fantasies, and had no problem coming up with a list in 3 seconds. His only criteria is that his celebrity must have big boobs, and not be a cannibal. Easy peasy.

Sadly, I couldn't come up with a SINGLE person, as most celebrities are either insane, Scientologists, or cannibals. I used to always have a celebrity crush, and am not sure when I lost my mojo. Robb told me that I am "dead inside".

Since I am totally destroying my chances of having famous, meaningless extramarital sex, I realized that I must work on my list, and I have been trying for WEEKS to think of 5 celebrities who don't gross me out. I blame the media - we just hear too much about the slimy activities of the rich and famous these days, and it makes it almost impossible to form a decent obsession. Tom Cruise, Hugh Grant, and Mel Gibson, you guys just don't make the cut anymore. And Brad Pitt - YAWN!!! He's so boring, I almost fell asleep while typing his name just now. And I'm sorry, creepy Jude Law, but you are just going to have to go sleep with my sister. You may have to wait in line.

Here's all I could muster up:

1. Clive Owen. Yowza. But he must remain in his character from "Closer".

2. Ryan Reynolds. He is cute, and funny, and obviously doesn't take himself too seriously. But he can't mention anything about Van Wilder, because that would ruin it for me.

3. Bruce Willis. He's gotten better with age.

4. Paul Rudd. I'm not sure why, but he's charming to me.

5. David Beckham. Purely physical. But I would probably seem morbidly obese after sleeping with his praying mantis of a wife.


It would be much easier for me to invent a list of famous crushes who I want to hang out with, but DON'T want to sleep with. Jack Black, Jon Stewart, Casey Affleck, Robb Corddry and Philip Seymour Hoffman. BAM- done. We don't have to take our clothes off, to have a good time, oh no. We could dance and party all night, and drink some cherry wine.

My husband says it's OK.

(Sorry I did not link to any of the celebrities, but I am lazy, and I need to conserve my energy for the myriad of lusty one night stands I will be having as soon as all of the famous people read my blog - as they ALL do daily...)