My Christmas Gift to the World

I have come to realize that nobody knows a single word to this song, other than "Yeah". Even after hearing it on the radio 763,000 times, we all still sing along to it like, "Mumble, er, lalalalalalala, mumblemumble, blah blah ....I said- YEAH YEAH YEAH, YEAH YEAH- YEAH!". It's a very catchy, great dance song, and I KNOW you all want to sing along without looking like loons, so here you are:

"Yeah!"
(by Usher, feat. Lil' Jon, Ludacris)

[Usher:]
Peace up! A Town Down!

[Lil' Jon:]
Yeah, (Yeah!) OK!

(Usher! Usher! Usher! Usher!)

[Lil' Jon:]
Lil' Jon!

[Usher:]
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Yeah, Yeah! Yeaah!
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Yeah, Yeah! Yeaah!

[Usher (Verse 1):]
Up in the club with my homies, tryna get a lil' V-I, but keep it down on the low key, 'cause you know how it is.
I saw shorty she was checkin' up on me, from the game she was spittin' in my ear you would think that she knew me.
So we decided to chill

Conversation got heavy, she had me feelin' like she's ready to blow!
(Watch Out! Oh! Watch Out!)
She's saying "Come get me! Come get me",
So I got up and followed her to the floor, she said "Baby, let's go",
That's when I told her I said

[Usher (Chorus):]
Yeah (yeah) Shorty got down low and said come and get me
Yeah (yeah) I got so caught up I forgot she told me
Yeah (yeah) Her and my girl used to be the best of homies
Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew she was all up on me screaming:

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Yeah, Yeah! Yeaah!
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Yeah, Yeah! Yeaah!

[Usher (Verse 2):]
So she's all up in my head now, got me thinking that it might good idea to take her with me,
'Cause she's ready to leave (ready to leave)
But I gotta keep it real now, 'cause on a one to ten she's a certified twenty, but that just ain't me. Hey.

Because I don't know if I take that chance just where it's gonna lead,
But what I do know is the way she dance makes shorty alright with me.
The way she (get low!)
I'm like yeah, just work that out for me.
She asked for one more dance and I'm
Like yeah, how the hell am I supposed to leave?
And I said

[Chorus]

[Lil' Jon:]
Hey, Luda!

[Ludacris (Verse 3):]
Watch out!
My outfit's ridiculous, in the club lookin' so conspicuous.
And Rowl! These women all on the prowl, if you hold the head steady I'm a milk the cow.
Forget about the game, I'm a spit the truth, I won't stop till I get 'em in they birthday suits.
So gimmie the rhythm and it'll be off with their clothes, then bend over to the front and touch your toes.
I left the Jag and I took the Rolls, if they aint cutting then I put em on foot patrol.
How you like me now, when my pinky's valued over three hundred thousand,
Lets drank you the one to please, Ludacris fill cups like double D's.
Me and Ursh once more and we leave 'em dead, we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed to say

[Chorus]

[Ludacris (Bridge):]
Take that and rewind it back, Lil' Jon got the beat to make ya booty go (clap)
Take that and rewind it back, Ursher got the voice to make ya booty go (clap)
Take that and rewind it back, Ludacris got the flow to make ya booty go (clap)
Take that and rewind it back, Lil' Jon got the beat to make ya booty go (clap)


Now, everyone go rock your babies to sleep with this sweet, sweet lullaby.

Reasons I am Gross

1. I just ate a muffin from my freezer that was so freezer-burned, I'm not even sure what flavour it was. Chocolate chip? Blueberry? Which flavour is gray? It tasted like the smell of plastic, so I just loaded butter on it and finished the entire thing. Why? Because I could.

2. I've only been shaving my legs about once a month lately. Are legwarmers back in? My husband is a saint for still loving me.

3. I went out Christmas shopping tonight, and spent most of the time looking at things for myself. So- that one makes me more of a selfish asshole, which is also gross. Merry Christmas to me!!!

Sons & Daughters

It's snowing like mad today, and it's so pretty and Christmas-y outside. Almost makes me forgive the coldness of it all.

I read a great quote in this month's In Style magazine by Hugh Laurie:

INTERVIEWER: You have 2 sons and a daughter. Which gender is easier to raise?
HUGH: "Girls are complicated.The instruction manual that comes with girls is 800 pages, with chapters 14, 19, 26, and 32 missing, and it's badly translated, hard to figure out. Boys are simple: food, TV, sports, and they're happy."

A friend of ours has a simple view of it as well.

FRIEND: "With a son, you only have one penis to worry about. With a daughter, you have thousands."

Not as eloquent, but something to think about, nonetheless.

This may be true, but I've never heard a parent describe raising their son OR daughter as "simple". Heartwrenching, thrilling, exhausting, demanding, amazing, fun- yes. My GOD, yes. But simple- no. However, we all know that with great challenges come great rewards, and I would be tickled pink to have 2 giggling girls running around our home. But a boy would be heavenly too- I honestly am not hoping for one over the other. Still, I'm not sure how we are going to wait until January to find out what we're having!

My poor dad got locked out of his apartment the other day. Not one to be thwarted, my 60 YEAR OLD FATHER scaled the building to the second floor, like a gray haired Spiderman, ripped the screen from the window, and heaved himself inside. I am so glad he's OK. I have headlines flashing through my head of "Retired Police Officer Found Moaning and Cursing in Back Alley after Attempted Break and Enter"
Complicated as they may be, I don't think many 60 year old WOMEN would be pulling a stunt like that. They would have given their spare key to someone nearby... the reasons for this are clearly outlined in the missing chapter 19.

;)

A Little Glob of "Culture"

Calgary is my home now, as most of my family and loved ones are here, but I grew up in Nova Scotia, spending about 18 of my 34 years there. Many of those years were formative, although I did have some serious formative years in my late 20's as well. Even though I have lived in many different cities, and haven't even been back to visit there in about 6 years, I still consider myself a Maritimer. Maybe not a Bluenoser, since I don't visit regularly enough, and don't maintain my accent, but it is still "home" in some ways to me. Halifax is a beautiful oceanside city, with gorgeous old buildings, great pubs, and friendly people who mangle the english language in the most adorable way. I would have to consider it fairly conservative there, and VERY conservative in all of the tiny rural communities scattered around the Maritimes. There are many people there who have never left their little towns, and could not imagine why they would ever need to. They've never been on a plane, never tasted Thai food, and never met another person who was more than two degrees of separation from themselves. A majority of the people I went to high school with in Halifax have since moved out of the Maritimes to follow a job or a relationship. There are occasional reunions, which I wish I could attend, but it's so far away, and it's so hard to justify paying more for a trip to Nova Scotia than an all inclusive week in Mexico. I want to take a trip back there with Robb and the 2 kids, sometime in the next few years. I want to eat fresh lobster sandwiches and drink a pint of Keiths at the Lower Deck Pub. I want to take them to the Neptune Theatre- a live theatre where I used to work as an usher as a teenager. I want to pick fresh corn, and eat apples right off the tree in the Annapolis Valley. I want to walk the Cabot Trail in the fall with my family, and take pictures at Cape Split. I want to meander through the slow moving towns, looking at shops full of shells and jam. I want to stand on the waterfront and watch the Tall Ships, and fishing boats, and ruddy faced fisherman, while eating Cows ice cream. I want to go to the beach- the REAL beach, with seaweed, jellyfish, frothy waves, and salty sand blowing in our hair. I want to introduce Robb, Piper and the new baby to my Grandmaman, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins there- the French side of their family. Je les manque beaucoup. It's a trip we will take, because I am a Maritimer.. and we always go home eventually.

Here is a little Maritime slang:

My dear, even after a two four, she's still uglier than a brush fence in the sunshine!
- even after I drank 24 cans of beer, she was still hideous.

gearbox- idiot

pogey — unemployment benefit, popular source of income

Puck Bunny — A young girl who pursues hockey players. Usually slutty, dumb, and soon to be pregnant. aka "rink rat"

he's from away- he was not born within 20 square miles of my house

You really do need to hear the accent to fully appreciate these terms. For example, the word "right" is pronounced "rate" with a soft t. "Doubt" is more like "dote" and "gone" is "gan". Think Irish mixed with olde english mixed with rum and coke. God, it's been so long, I can't even remember most of the slang, but there is LOTS. If you can think of any- refresh my memory, please! I'm trying to remember which terms people used to make fun of me for, when I first moved to Los Angeles. I guess that means I am LONG overdue for a trip back east...

Night night all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just got back from my Doctor's appointment- it was FANTASTIC! It was great to see my sweet Doctor again, she was the one who delivered Piper over a year and a half ago. Sadly, the sour receptionist hasn't cheered up at all since my last visit. The woman hasn't cracked a smile since 1958, and that was probably just gas. A boy scout could not untie the knot in her face.

But on to the good stuff...

As of today, I am in my second trimester! The filet mignon of trimesters! I am healthy and things look perfect. The Doctor had to poke around for a few minutes so that we could hear the baby's heartbeat, because the little peach was Riverdancing like MAD! As soon as she found it, he/she would backflip out of the way, and start dancing a jig on the other side of my tummy. Finally, he/she took an intermission, and we were able to hear the sweet sound of phmmp! phhmp! phmmp! phmmp! Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy! I loved hearing that sound as I looked at Robb and Piper's smiling faces.

And in 5-6 weeks, I get to have an ultrasound, at which time we can find out if we've got a boy, a girl, or even two! AND I have the option of scheduling a C-section this time, because I ended up with one last time. We are thrilled to have a choice, and are leaning towards scheduling a C-section birth. It would be wonderful to have a calm, low-stress birth, with only happy tears flowing. I would take 20 stitches in my tummy over a single stitch in my hoo-ha any day of the week.

So- I am thankful for that. So thankful. And also for my entire loving, wonderful and healthy family, and equally lovely friends. I have more than I've ever hoped for in life, and I can barely keep from Riverdancing myself right now.

Enjoy your turkey today, everyone, and your loved ones!
xoxo

How Cool

I was reading on Babycenter about the development of my 13 week old fetus. He/she/they now has/have FINGERPRINTS and can PEE! That sounds like a real little human baby to me! He/she/they can leave his/her/their mark on the world now, either by touching something, or peeing on it.

Doctor's appointment tommorrow- I'm very, very excited! While all of you Americans wait for your turkeys to cook in your ovens, I will be having the turkey in my oven poked, prodded and monitored as well. But I will also get to hear MY turkey's heartbeat, which hopefully none of you will. That would be gross. But we will all be giving thanks, and counting our blessings.

Straight Up

I was reading some really excellent and funny mommy blogs today, and laughing out loud. Another one of the bizarre side effects of my hormonally imbalanced pregnancy is that every time I laugh hard, I start to cry. It turns into a wheezing, teary, hard to breathe kind of sobbing. I'm not sad. It's ridiculous. The dog starts to panic.

In happier news, I got my hair cut this week, and I love it! She cut my hair in such a magical way that it looks LONGER and has also made it less frizzy! I can let it dry naturally and it doesn't look like a rat's nest! She is gifted! She also straightened my hair when she styled it, and Holy Cow she got it straight! I could never make it that straight if I had 50 ionic blowdryers, 20 irons and a room full of styling products. My hair is curly, and that is that. But "NO!", says my hairstylist! Look at your straight hair!! Bone straight, voila! I wonder what else she got in return for selling her soul to the devil.

Curly, like God (and a curling iron) made it


Straight, with the help of my hairdresser, and the devil

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words OR I am Too Lazy to Write Today

We saw an awesome house yesterday, and I want it! (Did you hear that, honey?) But we are still torn between buying and building a house. We have to decide soon, because building is taking a long time right now. It would be nice to just move into a home that is finished, with a yard, big old trees, a fence, and a quiet lovely street. But it's also nice to have a brand spankin' new home that has every detail custom picked by you. The big downside of building AGAIN would be a much longer wait, and another YEAR of living amongst construction, mud, dirt, a dirtpile for a yard, dust, muck, dirt, and mud. Did I mention that it would be muddy? With a dirty mucky dog running through the dirt? And noisy with the noises of dirt being moved from one pile to another? With construction workers trudging through our dirt yard and hammering on our house during naptime, creating more dust. So, we are undecided. I vote preowned home, but Robb loves himself a new home. Either one will be good, but, you know, the dirt. Anyway...

Nurse Piper administers Elmo's medicine orally via a plastic measuring syringe. He has had this stinking cold for THREE weeks now.



Do these shoes go with this outfit? The invitation said "business casual".


This is the dirty look I received when asking for the syringe back.


My favorite humans.


Sorry we're late- traffic was a bitch, and this tiny pink car only goes half a mile per hour.

Love Shack

We are house hunting. It’s a little trickier this time, because we are looking for a home in which we will settle down and live with our family for more than a year! We’ve been building and selling houses for 5 years, which has been great financially, but I am so excited to STOP with all of the packing and unpacking and repacking and organizing and storing and unpacking again already! This next move will be the BIG MOVE, so we want to find the perfect house for us. The market is good for selling our current house right now, but we are having trouble finding our dream home. All we need is:

3 bedrooms on the same floor
at least 2 bathrooms and 1 big tub
1 spare bedroom/den/office for guests
a play area- can be either a finished basement or a bonus room
a decent sized fenced backyard
a double garage for our Lamborghini and Shelby Cobra. Ha.
a decent neighbourhood, ( ie, not next door to a crackhouse)
a roof
indoor plumbing

I would also like a pool, a treehouse, an orange grove, my own ocean, a chef/maid, a magical pony, a ferris wheel, and a helicopter, but we don’t want to be house poor. And for all of this, we are willing to pay up to $100! Is that so much to ask? Why are we having such a hard time finding this?

Seriously though, I love house hunting, and I love moving. The only part I don’t enjoy is scheduling viewings to sell our house. Packing up the baby and dog to vacate the house, and trying to work around meals and naptimes is a bitch. Last time we listed our house, the first person to view it, bought it. Please cross your fingers that we get that lucky again.

A Champagne Supernova in the Sky

I am finally 3 months pregnant, and am feeling a little less anxious when talking about le bebe. This is a big fat relief, since it is always on my mind, and I can finally let some of it OUT. It's like a small weight has been lifted off my mind- and placed directly on my bladder. Whatever position the little lemon is in right now, it is making me feel like I have to pee VERY BADLY OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SPRINT TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE I WET MYSELF several times a day. Then, when I finally sit down, all I can manage is a tiny "drip, drippity drip....drip!" It's so unsatisying.

I am also grateful that food is starting to taste and smell less like sewage now. Not all of it, but I will take what I can get, and I will like it.

My big Doctor's appointment is on Thursday, when we will hopefully get to hear the lemon's heartbeat, and start our countdown to the ULTRASOUND!!! Weeeeee! Also, I'm anxious for the doctor to check my measurements, and either end or confirm our silly notion that I may be having twins. We have no good reason to suspect this, other than the fact that my mom is a twin, I am in my mid 30's, and I have been so much sicker this pregnancy than last time. Yes, the chances of us having twins are quite slim, but we still think about it. We think about the possibility of me becoming wider than my height, and then we start dreaming up stupid, idiotic twin names, and giggle in bed. We decided that instead of naming each twin separately, we could give them a funky combined name, and have started calling our hypothetical twins "Oasis". It still makes me laugh. We are morons. Haha! I think I may stop calling them that though- I'm starting to worry that I will have two very rude and conceited baby boys with horrid unibrows.

Dog Day Afternoon

So embarrassing...




But, all is forgiven.

Sibling Rivalry

So, now that I've warned you all that I will not be posting as often, and professed my ambivalence for blogging- I am a blogging MACHINE! Writing every day! Can't get enough of it!

We're stuck inside again today, due to the huge amounts of snot being produced, so we've trashed the house. We're starting to look at houses again, because we need some more space. An extra room would be great, and a playroom is a MUST. Right now, our entire house is a playroom, and for anally retentive neat freaks like Robb and I, it is painful, like, childbirth painful, to have our carefully decorated and cleaned home turned into what looks like Main Street after a parade. A hideous, Sesame Street Dora Elmo parade. Ouch, my eyes.

Piper and I were doing puzzles, and my brilliant little future Nobel Peace Prize winning daughter did the puzzle all by herself! I did 8 back handsprings in a row and squealed with delight and hugged her until her face turned purple, so proud was I! My dog, Zak, sneered at us from across the room. Poor fella, he is still a bit bent out of shape that he has to share his mommy with a human baby. He is still peeved that he has to share his entire world with a little pink tyrant who poops her pants and then tries to ride him like a horse. (We haven't told him about the new peanut yet.) A few minutes later, Zak was trying to do the puzzle, in a desperate and very transparent plea for praise and attention. It was so pathetic. And he didn't even get one single piece in. Stupid dog.



(ps- I'm just kidding- I love that little yellow bastard with all of my heart.)

One Day at a Time

It's been a good day today. I've only cried twice, and I've eaten almost normally with no threats of regurgitation. I haven't been worrying alot, and I haven't imagined any stupid scenarios about people hating me or invented any new conspiracy theories. It's like I'm a normal sane person, almost. Although it IS 2:17am, and I cannot sleep. So I'm like a totally normal insomniac. Baby steps.

I watched a great documentary yesterday called "Mad Hot Ballroom". I wasn't very psyched to see it because I thought it was one of those lame Forbidden Lambada of the Night movies, but it was SO MUCH BETTER than that. If you like children, dancing, or have any kind of a soul, check it out. If you despise these things, please go back to kicking that puppy, or whatever it was that you were doing- sorry to interrupt.

And because I don't think I should quit cold turkey on posting pictures, (I don't want to go into withdrawal,) I will post this one. She looks so crazy here, I can really relate to it. She was singing in the tub. Something soulful, it looks like.
It was either, "My Heart Will Go On" (for Tina) or "Let it Rain" (for Chelsey,) - I can't remember which.

Slinking back in...

Wow.

I've gotten some extremely touching comments, phone calls, and emails from friends, relatives, and strangers in the past couple of days. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me to have you expressing such an appreciation for my little blog, and encouraging me to write more. Thank you to each and every one of you- especially Tina, la ketch, Meghan, Amanda, Celena, Aunt Louise, Sam, and especially Robb. And Kristin, I know we have never met, but it was such a nice surprise to hear that you've been reading and enjoying my blog so regularly. I honestly didn't really think about people like you out there reading me. I'm not sure why, because I read other peoples' blogs anonymously all of the time. I'm actually crying, I'm so flattered. Of course, I'm basically crying all of the time lately anyway, due to the ridiculous amount of pregnancy related hormones rushing through my body right now. Tonight, we saw "North Country", which was a pretty good movie, and I cried about 4 times. I would have been sobbing hysterically, but I did some deep breathing and eye closing to get myself under control. The crazy part is, I was the only weepy one in the theatre, and I have a sneaking suspicion that there WERE NO REAL SAD PARTS. Anyway... I'm just so appreciative of all of your support, and it makes me think that maybe YOU are all the ones I should be focusing on instead of the stinking a$$holes out there that may be lurking.

So, I'm going to try to keep writing here occasionally, for myself, and for all of you, my cyber friends. I may not get as personal with pictures and things as before, just for safety reasons, and for unrealistically paranoid overemotional pregnancy reasons, but I will write nonetheless. Please excuse the violent mood swings, silly self created drama, and irregular posting. It's embarrasing, but I seem to have no control over it for now, so I'm hoping I haven't scared everyone away. Every day, I wake up and think, "What the hell was I THINKING yesterday?" and then I go on to act even crazier that day. Sigh. Well, as long as I KNOW I'm nuts, I guess I'm not that far gone, right? RIGHT!!!???? (ha)

I'm still considering getting a site with a password as well, so I don't have to edit myself. Until then, I will be here.

Thank you. I forgot how truly lovely you people can be.

The Long Kiss Goodbye

I‘ve been writing in this blog faithfully, (more or less,) for about six months, and I’ve really enjoyed the experience. But I think this is where I will choose to end it. I’m going to take my 3 faces out of the limelight for the time being. Ok, maybe “limelight” is a bit dramatic to describe my small but lovely readership, but as my traffic slowly grows, so does my reluctance to continue writing here.
Since I am a list lover, here are the reasons I am pulling the plug:

1. I am really a very secretive and private beast at heart. This forum is just a little too public for me. There are people out there, both strangers and not, that I simply am unwilling to share this much of myself and my family with. I’ve become disenchanted with this one way window into my personal life that I’ve provided for anyone with computer access. It makes me unable to write candidly and honestly, which is not what I want.

2. I’m not enjoying writing lately, and am starting to feel about this blog the way I felt about homework in high school. And with all of the glorious blogs out there, I’d rather not be a cold sore on the lip of the blogging world.

3. I am becoming royally creeped out with some of the searches by which people are finding my site. Please take your quest for “girls+tits+stagette+slutty” elsewhere, you pathetic morons. Mama got nothing for you.

So, everything is fine with me, and I wish I didn’t feel this way, but there it is. I didn’t want to flake off without an explanation.

To my out of town family & friends- Hi! I love you! Thank you for reading here and being so interested in our daily silliness. I will continue to keep you updated with stories and pictures, via email. If I’m missing you on my email list, please let me know.

To my fellow bloggers- You all have been the one surprise gift in this experience. Reading your blogs has made me laugh, cry, learn, and think more than I have in ages, and I want to THANK YOU sincerely. If I read and comment on your blog, I am talking to YOU, my dear. I will continue to participate in this blogging party, not on the field, but cheering you all on wildly from the front row! PLEASE do not let my bailing out discourage any of you! Remember, I am pregnant, hormonal, and completely CRAZY even on my best day. If any of you follow me, I will cry, and you don’t want to make a pregnant woman CRY, do you?

I’m feeling pretty good about this decision- relieved, really. I may want to start this up again some day, but for now, I bid you all au revoir.
So, I will be in touch. If you ever want to reach me, I’m only an email away.

Thank you for the lovely time,
Xo
Eve

House Arrest

We're stuck indoors today, since Piper woke up with a river of snot streaming from her nostrils, accessorized with a nice cough to spray it around a bit. Poor peach. She's still in a good mood, probably because she doesn't realize that we are missing Gymtastics today- an activity we both look forward to all week. No group songs, no trampolines, no obstacle courses, and no stamps on the hands for us today. Only Dora, Elmo, colouring, and playing in the giant box that I've made into a house to keep us entertained.

She's recently discovered that more is better. Even if her cup is 3/4 full, she always brings it to me and pleads for "bore, bore, bore?" After many futile attempts to explain to her that she already has bore, I've finally just started pretending to fill up her cup. I hand it back to her in the same condition she gave it to me in, and she happily walks away, slurping on her drink. Maybe she's just a planner, and likes to have a full cup so that she doesn't have to get a refill at a pivotal point in Dora's journey to the Super Silly Fiesta. Or maybe she's just enjoying the fact that she can ask me for something specific, and I will give it to her. It is pretty exciting to be able to communicate with each other- it still blows my mind when she makes a "joke" and we both laugh. I have a daughter, who has a unique sense of humour, and her own little thoughts and ideas, who JOKES with me, for the love of Pete. It's simply amazing.

Gotta go take a nap. I'm trying to grow another one of these delightful creatures in my tummy, and it is exhausting.

...OK, I am unable to sleep because my mind is racing with thoughts like, "I wonder if the baby's OK? Am I eating enough for the baby? Can a baby thrive and grow on cereal, california rolls, and freezies? Freezies are made of fruit juice right? They have, er.. vitamin F, right? My prenatal vitamins will pick up the slack for this temporary situation. What if dying my hair really DOES do something to the baby's development? Could I live with that? What if I'm having twins? That means there would suddenly be MORE BABIES THAN PARENTS in my house! What if this baby is 1,000 more difficult than Piper was? Will I be able to give the new baby as much attention as I gave Piper? Doesn't the new baby DESERVE that?! I hope everything is OK with the baby's development...etc..."

I have 2 more weeks until my first real OB appointment, at which point I will hopefully hear the heartbeat, and be reassured that all is well. Can I make it that long without my personality shattering into pieces like Sybil? Will I drag my poor husband down into this pit of insanity with me? Stay tuned.

Salmonella, Schmalmonella

Why is it that all I want to eat is sushi? I know that I am supposed to avoid raw foods and food that may contain high levels of bacteria, and that I probably shouldn't lick toilet seats or snack on any roadkill that I may come across while pregnant. It make sense NOT to want those things, because who would want to be afflicted with listeriosis? So why is every molecule in my body shreiking for raw salmon, fresh water eel, soy sauce and wasabi? Why would Mother Nature instill in me this uncontrollable desire to shove seaweed and spicy tuna into my face when it is CLEARLY forbidden by the rules of Babycenter.com? My scary dreams of falling have even been replaced by thrilling dreams of falling into a pile of soft shelled crab rolls. If this craving continues, I will soon be hanging with this crowd, just trying to get a fix.

Maybe my body is just craving protein, but then why does everything else I try to eat taste like garbage? I even tried putting soy sauce and wasabi on my steak, but I wasn't fooling anyone. It was like trying to substitute fat free yogourt for Hagan Dasz ice cream- IT WILL NEVER WORK. In the meantime, I've been eating california rolls from our restaurant at every opportunity. It seems to be taming the beast within on a very borderline basis. It's not what I want. But you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

Piper has some news. She is going to be a big sister. We are going to have 2 children... and Robb and I will be the parents of these children. There will be TWO little monkeys in our house saying "Mamma, mamma!" and I will answer "Yes?" because I WILL BE THE MOTHER TO WHOM THEY ARE REFERRING. I will be a mother of two entire humans. Apparently, this phenomenon has happened before, but I am still in disbelief.

We weren’t going to tell the world for another couple of weeks, but news like this seems to travel quickly, and if we don’t start telling people now, we won’t get to tell anyone ourselves! You may want to thank me for not writing about my pregnancy for the past month, because I have graciously spared you about 50 posts like this:

WAAAAHHHHHHH! I feel siiiiick! And tiiiiiired! And bloated! And achy! I’m sick of feeling exhausted! I am emotionally bloated! I’m so tired of feeling nauseated! Waaahhhhh! Oh my god, I’m so exited! We’re going to have another BABY! Wheeeeee! (Hoarumph! Gag! Retch!) Waaahhhhhh! Um, what was I talking about? I can't seem to remember anything for more than 3 seconds, and..I feel so gross! I can’t eat anything! Everything stinks! The entire world smells like a skunk’s ass, including the air! Whiiiiiiine! I’m going to take a nap! I can’t believe I’m pregnant! We are so lucky! I can’t WAIT! (HURRRGH! HURRRGHHH! Gag!) Whiiiiine!

So- you are welcome. I do regret that Robb has been unable to dodge this constant flood of whining, but really, he’s the one that got us into this pickle, so he can sit in the trenches with me. There is no man on earth that I’d rather have holding my hair while I barf. (I love you honey!) I’m almost to the end of this pukey stage I believe, and my glorious Doctor prescribed me with a pill that was handed to her by the Good Lord in heaven called Diclectin, that makes my booboos all better. Aaaaaahhhhhh.





Here’s a picture of my belly at 10 weeks. It may look wee, but in due time, it will be a force to be reckoned with. My currently grapefruit sized uterus will soon be large enough to house a small village. Please try not to be jealous of my golden bronze tan, I know it is stunning. To replicate it, you must hibernate in a cave for about a year, and allow no sunlight to permeate your clothing, directly or indirectly. And soak in a bleach bath once a week. Good luck!

I really am extremely excited about this baby. I’m almost afraid to really let it soak in, because I am still in my first trimester, and am filled with worries and what ifs. So please excuse me if I don’t talk too much about it. It still seems to good to be true.

Unexpected Joy

Tonight, I had to run a pain in the ass errand. I'd forgotten to go to the grocery store to get milk, and Piper needs her milk before bed like a crack whore needs her crack, so off we went. Since Robb is working at the bar tonight, I had to pack up the monkey, in all of her overtired glory, behatted and bemittened, and head out into the cold fall evening, much too close to bedtime for either one of us. Ugh. Pain in the ass.

When I opened the door, to my sheer horror, it was SNOWING. Our first snow of the year. I would rather have a giant pigeon shit in my hair on my wedding day than live in a snowy climate, so that about sums up my feelings on snow. I ache for California weather every day of my life. As I walked out into the snow, I silently cursed the sky and its evil offerings. Then I looked at Piper.

Her cheeks were glistening with frozen flakes, and she had a look of absolute glee on her face as she gazed up at the falling snow, with her mouth and her eyes opened as wide as they could be. She was mesmorized by the sparkling and whirling all around us. Then she started laughing- one of those fantastic belly laughs that is just so real and so spontaneous and so wonderful. She threw her hands up and blinked and giggled at the little stars falling in her eyes. Squealing and laughing and marvelling at the sky. Joy joy joy!!!

It is the first time that I have ever loved snow.

Stink or Treat!

Piper had SO MUCH FUN on her first official Halloween that she was aware of. She clomped up and down those stairs with gusto, taking in all the pumpkins, lights, and other kiddies in their strange and unusual attire. The entire time, she held a mini Coffee Crisp bar in her chubby little fist, in a death grip that was stronger than both Robb and I put together. Her eyes were wide and her endurance was amazing. The only traumatic point in the evening was when we had to pry a sucker out of her mouth and hands for the ride home. It wasn't easy, but when we finally wrestled it away from her, she opened her mouth in a red faced rage of silent fury, and spewed evil sticky-faced fire and brimstone at us for about 5 minutes. Apparently, she liked the sucker... a LOT. But after the sugar induced tantrum faded, she was happy again, and we all had a wonderful evening.