A flick and a shot

We saw "Murderball" last night, and it was FANTASTIC! So good! I'm not even a big sports fan, but Wheelchair Rugby is awesome to watch, and the life stories of several of the players were riveting. You cannot help but love these inspiring and hot men.

Afterwards, we met a bunch of friends at the bar to act silly and pretend we were 23. During the process of pretending to be young, I did a shot of Absinthe. It was like drinking a festering ball of fire, and I could feel the outline of my esophagus for about 10 minutes afterwards. Thank god the shot burned away my gag reflex, because the thought of it passing through my mouth a second time was terrifying. Then the Absinthe seared and bubbled it's way downward, where it etched "YOU ARE 34, NOT 23" into the lining of my stomach. Now, if someone asked me whether I'd prefer a shot of Absinthe, or a roadkill and toenail sandwich, I would really have to think about it long and hard. Would there be dijon mustard on the sandwich? Because I do enjoy the dijon.

Speaking of sinking to new depths, I watched "Requiem for a Dream" again the other night, and it is STILL such a great movie. I'm going to see "Batman Begins" tonight.

More sick celebrity crushes

Because I am an equal opportunity stalker, I do obsess over male AND female actors/singers/dancers/writers alike. I am nothing if not fair.

Clive Owen doesn't always have his charm powers turned on, but when he does- LOOK OUT!!! Like in "Closer". He does tend to swing back and forth between creepy and sexy. When he is good, he is very very good, and when he is bad, he is torrid.

I will watch anything if Rachel McAdams is in it. The Notebook, Mean Girls, Wedding Crashers- PLEASE, Rachel, I can't take it anymore! Too.. much.... excellence! Her face is tastier than a lemon merengue pie, she is a total treat. Plus, she seems very cool and funny, and is Canadian!

All class...

I never did mention the details of my sister-in-law's stagette party last weekend.

Suffice it to say that if you find yourself dancing on a piano, wearing a rubber elephant hat, grabbing the microphone from the professional singer to murder an Elton John song, playing in an air band (drums) onstage in front of 100 strangers, or doing a hideous, dirty dancing version of the running man - perhaps it is time to put DOWN that gin and tonic. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is not YOUR stagette, and there is absolutely no reason for you to party like it's 1999, or like it's your last night on earth. Perhaps, you should pace yourself, and remember that Calgary is not that large, and you just may see some of these people again.

It was a great night, though.

Recharging & Reminiscing

I've been in hermit mode for the past few days. No emails, no phone calls, etc. Sorry to anyone I've neglected- I'm not avoiding you, I am not trapped in a well, and I still love you. I just need to recharge my social batteries every so often. Almost ready for the world again...

I'm looking back at some photos from 1 year ago. Piper was 4 months old, and doing basically what I do in my spare time; surfing the internet, watching movies, and thinking about food.

Gobsmacked at the movies

Updating my infant blog

The sun never ever goes down in Coolville

Groovy Movie

"The Wedding Crashers" was very funny, but I can not WAIT to see this movie!!!!!
It's out here in six more sleeps, yay!!!

Separation Anxiety

Robb & I have been going out a lot lately, which means the Pink Monster has had a lot of babysitters. I'm hoping that it will not make her "must be wrapped around mommy at all times" phase even worse. Not that I don't love it, but it is bittersweet, as her bellows of grief when I leave make me feel as if I am leaving her with a pack of cannibals. Her pretty, tear soaked eyes plead with me not to go- you selfish, neglectful, heartless woman! HOW CAN YOU ABANDON ME LIKE THIS TO GO SEE THE WEDDING CRASHERS??!!! Ouch, my heart. She's always been such a social butterfly, and only just started this horrific ritual, so I've not yet built up a tolerance or figured out how to handle it correctly. My current strategy is to flee to the car and die a little inside.

Fortunately, I have learned that her mood swings back to happy 30 seconds after I've left... the little actress. As soon as I am out of ear shot, she pretty much turns to the babysitter and says, "Well, hello new mother. Let's see what I can get away with from you, shall we?" And another perk of owning our own restaurant is all of the lovely little babysitting-age girls we have under our employ. Sweet. One of our servers is babysitting tonight, as we attend a stag and stagette that should be VERY fun and rambunctious. Oh, behave!

Must go drink lots of water in preparation...

Please steal this quiz

... and let me know, so I can read your answers.

What I was doing ten years ago: Student at Dalhousie University in Halifax, NS, navigating an unhealthy relationship, drinking

5 years ago: Leaving Los Angeles, fleeing said relationship, reclaiming my independance and self esteem in Calgary.

1 year ago: Caring for a newborn, loving my life

Yesterday: Sewing, shopping, taking photos, hanging out with my daughter

5 snacks I enjoy:
popcorn
cherries
sour candies
ice cream
applesauce

5 songs I know all the words to:
Cannonball- Damien Rice
Let them be Little- Billie Dean
Hollaback Girl- Gwen Stefani (unintentionally)
Yeah- Usher
Feels like Home- Chantal Kraviacuk

5 Things I would do with $100 million:
TRAVEL with family & friends
Donate to cancer research and charities
Let my mom RETIRE, already
anonymous gifts
new house

5 locations I would like to run away to:
Antigua
California
Virgin Islands
Spain
Margharitaville, mmmmmm

5 bad habits I have:
swearing
snacking
internet
staying up late
obsessing

5 things I like doing:
playing with my daughter & husband
reading
painting/drawing
watching movies
kissing

5 things I would never wear:
stirrup pants
a wrestling singlet
tapered pants
a cape
a moustache

5 things on TV I like:
The Daily Show
Wil & Grace
Dancing with the Stars
Renovating shows
Sesame Street


5 Biggest Joys of the moment:
my family
my friends
our health
my camera
the warm weather

5 Favorite toys:
my camera
my laptop
my sewing machine
my TV
my husband

Self Portraits from Today

my baby 

mummy snuggles 

laughing 

Worn Proudly

A few interesting T-shirts I've seen in the past week:

"Save a Horse- Ride a Cowboy!"
I have seen this shirt many times before, but never on a 75 year old woman. Giddyup Granny!

"The Man (arrow pointing up) The Legend (arrow pointing down)"
I've never heard the legend of the stinky drunk dude's crotch... can you tell it to me, Granny?

"I fantasize about your Girlfriend"
My ex-boyfriend had this t-shirt. Note the EX.

"I Beat Anorexia"
Worn by a 300+ lb man. Good for you, little fella. I'm glad that you are safely out of the woods now.

"WARNING- I am three"
I love this one, must get it for the future.

"I love Nerds"
We all do. They make the world go around.

Hey, technology- wait up for meee!

I am growing and evolving... maybe not much, but I DID learn how to post flickr pictures! Check them out on the left.

We had so much fun at the Stampede grounds last night, and even more fun at the casino later. Lucky night. There was much giggling, drinking, eating, and playing of games which involved smashing things. No babies were allowed.

Here is a pic of us girls in a herd formation last night, never far from the food.

Girls always congregate towards a long dog. 

A Rose by any other name...

I've had versions of this conversation several times in the past year:

Stranger: awwwwww, cute baby, how old is he?
Me: SHE (in the pink outfit) is x months old.
Stranger: What's her name?
Me: Piper
Stranger: Oh, did you get that name from the girl on "Charmed"?
Me: (Bile starts shooting out of my mouth as my eyes roll back and my head spins off my neck.)

OH MY GOD. I didn't even know about this car wreck of a TV show until I started hearing this question. Yes, that's right, I've named my daughter after a witch on a shitty sitcom that 10 teenagers in the world watch. I briefly considered naming her after a relative or beloved historical figure, but then I thought- "Nah, let's go with the witch." I came this close to naming her "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", but it didn't sound as good with our last name.

She's a little bit country, a little bit rock 'n roll...

Loved the horse, loved the bike. Big day today.

Riding the carousel horse 

Riding a motorcycle with Daddy 

Dirty Little Secret of the Day

I am a dancing whore. I will watch any stupid movie a million times, as long as it involves dancing or strip dancing. Case in point:

Striptease- with Demi Moore. The worst of the worst. I totally lost respect for myself the second time I watched it.

Flashdance- Hello, I am the adorable Jennifer Beals, welder by day, stripper by night, with the heart of a ballerina. Don't feel sorry for me, I will go on to do some really good movies, like "The Anniversary Party."

Honey- with sexy Jessica Alba. Was there a plot? Who cares, let's dance!!! WOOOOO!

Dancing at the Blue Iguana- again, more strippers. I may be blinded by the dancing, but I think this was a decent movie.

Save the Last Dance- When it's on TV, I cannot look away. Forgive me.

Shall We Dance- with Jennifer Lopez. I saw it in the theatre with my friend who suffers from the same disorder that I have. (Hi Chelsey!) We have admitted that we have a problem, and that is the first step.

Ever have thoughts like this?

Last night, I was awoken at 2am by my dog Zak, hacking and puking in my closet. Apparently, the 3 muffins he ate out of my bag had upset his stomach. Or perhaps it was the saran wrap and paper bag that had offended his delicate palette, who can say for sure?
Anyway, I was standing outside with Zak at 2:30am, looking at the sky as he ate grass to soothe his gluttonous self. I am usually leery of being outside in the middle of the night, as there are coyotes in this area, and I have visuals of being attacked by a werewolf-like pack of Cujos. But last night, I was distracted from that by a very bright light in the sky. I stared to try and figure out if it was a star or a plane. It flickered slightly, and was the only light in the night sky, so I thought it had to be a plane... but it wasn't moving at ALL. The light just winked menacingly at me, as if to say, "Hello Earthling, we've been waiting for you..." So I began to have flashbacks of every alien movie and story I've ever heard in my life, and even made up a few of my own, as I stood there thinking about how, aside from the missing trailer park, this was the perfect alien abduction scenario. Alone. 2am. Nobody around. No neighbours to witness. I idiotically freaked myself out so much, that I dragged my chicken ass, and my dog inside for him to puke up 6 cups of fresh grass on my carpet.

Hi, my name is Eve, and I am a jackass. I make up ridiculous stories, and then believe them. I deserve to be cleaning up barf.

I love adventuring, I've swung from a trapeze, cliff jumped, rock climbed, held a tarantula, caught rattlesnakes.... but I am deathly afraid of stars.
Lock me up.

Help Wanted

Piper breastfed like a champ until she was 14 months old, at which point she VERY begrudgingly gave up the boobs for bottles and sippy cups. In the 2 months since weaning, she always, and I do mean always, has to have her hand on my boob, to be sure it's still there. She often falls asleep whilst giving me a purple nurple. Between her and Robb, I am fondled more than the remote control. In fact, if they were looking to replace me, the ad would read as such:

PAIR OF TITS WANTED: duties include meal preparation and waste management. no salary, but interesting benefits. must have reliable transportation, extreme patience, and nipples.

The Calgary Stampede

We are now smack dab in the middle of the Calgary Stampede- a cowboy themed Halloween/Mardi Gras/Hicks Gone Wild extravaganza that lasts for 10 whole beer basted days. It started off as an Agricultural Fair in 1886, but it is now a giant drinking party, and an excuse for the local slags to wear daisy dukes. Oh yeah, also a rodeo. You pay to cram into a giant arena and watch horses and chuck wagons race around a track. Huzzah!!! If they win, they receive money and prestige, but if a horse trips, he usually will break a leg, and possibly the legs of any other horses running nearby, and then they all get shot! Woo hoo!!! GO horsies, GO! What fun!
The whole cowboy thing does nothing for me... the "country look" grosses me out- I hate it in interior design, and even more so in fashion. Please give me a clever metrosexual man any day over a dumb cowboy. And the skanky 20 year old bar stars are all sooooo thrilled to have an excuse to dress up extra slutty- they could be wearing nipple tassles and a whipped cream skirt, but as long as they add a pink furry cowboy hat, they are just dressin' up like a cowgirl for Stampede! YEEEEHAAWWW!!
Please don't think I'm being bitter..because I like looking at sexy girls as much as the next guy, but most of these "costumes" are not pretty. There is a severe cameltoe epidemic sweeping Calgary right now, the likes of which have never been seen before. It is hideous, and my labia hurts just thinking about it. Truly, most REAL Cowgirls hardly even look like girls, they are hard-looking, hard-working broads that often look a lot like their horses. So put away the glittery micro-mini jeanskirts, girls. Please.

OK, enough complaining, I'm being such an old woman - the Stampede does have it's fun moments as well, to read more about it, check out http://calgarystampede.com

Damn Good Parenting

I love my daughter so very much. Her smile fills me with ridiculous glee. When she hurts, I hurt. And I am raising her in a world riddled with terrorism, racism, hatred, pedophiles, disease, random shootings, dog maulings, and car accidents. Even if I knew how to link to these recent news stories, I would not. I can't look at anymore of this today.

Because of this, I have decided to raise my daughter in a protective bubble. She will roll around happily throughout her childhood, free of disease and harm - and even grass stains! I will Windex her bubble everyday, so that she may clearly see this scary world for what it is. When she is exceptionally good, I will put glittery stickers on her bubble as a lovely reward. I will even let certain FBI investigated and cleared friends into the bubble to play with her on occasion, as I am definitely not an overprotective or controlling parent. Not at all. I am so laid back. Easy breezy, that's me, yessirree.

Baby in a bubble 

Bubble buddies 

Thank you

I'm feeling very grateful today. Grateful for my husband, truly the best person I know, and our daughter, who fills me with joy that I've never imagined. They make me feel loved and important every day. I'm grateful for my family, who I feel closer to today than ever before- my mom, mom-in-law, dad, father-in-law, sisters, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, and all of my extended family all add so much to my life. Actually- they totally make my life. They are all safe and healthy. I have a few very dear friends who love me and inspire me, and make me happy. I know I will never be alone. I have a capable brain and body that work and allow me to do pretty much anything I want. I live a more comfortable life than most people in the world. I live in a country that gives me so much freedom and opportunity. With all of the sickness, pain, sorrow and terror in the world, why am I so blessed? I've done nothing to deserve this life, and it terrifies me to think of all that I have to lose. I realize that things will probably not always be this perfect. And I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that I must do more for others. It's only fair.
But mostly, today, I am just so grateful.

My heart goes out to all of the people in London that are affected by the horror of today's subway bombing. I'm praying for your comfort and safety.

TAG!

I was tagged with this meme by Daisy, (dazednamused.blogspot.com) you stinkin' rat fart, so here goes... ;)

Number of books I own.
roughly 75- I don't buy a lot of books, I borrow them mostly. Plus, I lend them out and forget about them. So if you have one of my books, give it back, biatch! And if I still have one of your books... Huh?! What are you talking about? No I don't! Someone else must have it...

Last book I bought.
Perfect Madness -by Judith Warner- We were going to discuss it in my mommy book club, but I still haven't finished it- haven't been in the mood... It's about the "Supermom Syndrome" that plagues many American women.

Last book I read.
Adrian Mole The Cappuccino Years -by Sue Townsend- It's just so funny. I haven't been in the mood to read anything heavy in about a year.

Five books that mean a lot to me.

Quest for the Lost City -by Dana and Ginger Lamb
An amazing and inspirational true story about survival and adventure in uncharted Mexican ruins. Makes me feel like a spoiled princess, but I love this book.

Family - by the MILK Foundation- I adore these photographs, they make me think about real and beautiful things.

Cat's Eye -by Margaret Atwood- one of my favorite Canadian authors. It captures the cruelty of children so accurately. I also love The Edible Woman, by her as well.

The Little Prince -by Antoine de Saint-Exupery- I've always loved this book- there is something curious and mysterious about it that's intrigued me since I was 5 years old.

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer -by Tracey Hogg- This book gave me some reassurance and a calming plan when I was 8.5 months pregnant and full of fear. It was like Dumbo's feather to me...

This is off the top of my head, so I'm sure I'm forgetting some important books.

Night night

Happy Mosquito (Canada) Day!

Happy Birthday Canada! You don't look a day over 29...

Today, we celebrated our wonderful country by staying inside so we would not catch the West Nile Virus. After having a record breaking amount of rain last month, we have an unprecedented number of freshly hatched mosquitoes swarming Calgary in search of blood. After the dry weather, the "no bugs" perk was the next big feature that drew me to live in this city. It's usually too dry for many bugs, and so now I am spoiled. After being bitten a few times, I am now swatting at imaginary mosquitoes all day and all night, every time a hair brushes my neck, or a speck of dust floats by. I look like one of those crazy people on the street corner, cursing, mumbling and spasmodically throwing punches at nobody in particular.

In addition to nodding her head yes and no, so emphatically that her entire body shakes along, Piper is now saying a few words, and by the look on her face, she is seriously working on a few more. She says Mamma, Dadda, Zak, Book, and Dat (that). For the majority of the day, my vocabulary is basically down to 5 words as well - No, More?, Yummy, Drink? and Sleepytime. She also mimics sounds I make rather well. That means NO more swearing for Mommy and Daddy... Must. Stop. Immediately.

Things at the bar are going pretty well, although we are not wiping our bums with $100 bills yet, which is our ultimate goal. (But the bills will have to be laundered first, because that is just plain unsanitary.) We're hoping that business will pick up now that the sun has finally come out, and summer is here. We're in the process of dressing up our large patio to draw people in. We want our patio to say, (in a seductive throaty voice,) "Come in, eat, drink, throw all of your money at the bartender, call all of your friends to come over too, stay until 2am, then count the moments until you return the next day." Do white lights and lanterns say that? We had a wicked DJ this weekend, so I think people will come back to see him, fingers crossed.

Gotta go to bed soon, we're going swimming early in the morn with my little fish baby. Sweet dreams.